Initiation (Gypsy Harts #1) Page 16

  Stone watched his son fall back asleep, then looked around for the cradle. May moved out of the way so he could set him down, then he was staring at the wrapped body on the bed again. The lead weight in his chest got heavier.

  “I’ll go see how Harley’s doing,” May mumbled, leaving. After a moment of hesitation, Jo followed her.

  Stone dropped to his knees next to Oakley, resting his hand where he knew her crossed hands were. He could feel her small wrists underneath the cotton. “Shit, Little One,” he sputtered, feeling the calm crack again. He covered his mouth with his other hand, eyes staring at the far wall. “How come this feels like the end of my life? Is it just because you took all hope with you?”

  The fire crackled behind him.

  “Pretty sure I’m in love with you, Oakley. Never outright said it but…I love you. I used to think it took years for that to happen, not a few days. But things are a little clearer lately. Maybe it was the bombs, maybe it happened when I got locked up. I don’t know.”

  He had no idea what the fuck he was saying. Ramblings of a man drunk on sorrow. He had to focus before everything that was left of her was gone.

  Almost everything, he reminded himself, thinking of Adam.

  “I’ll take good care of him. Swear to God he’ll be happiest fucking kid in the world. That’s all I can think of to do for you, Little One.”

  He was sobbing again, remembering every moment with her all at once like a flood of sweet, soft warm memories. The first time he’d made her smile, blush. The first time he’d watched her come with him inside her. The most perfect moments in time he’d ever known. The sight of her pregnant after he came back, knocking him sideways as it filled him with…purpose was too weak, but something like that. Her glow holding Adam just last night.

  That’s all there was. There weren’t nearly enough moments. Fuck, he’d been robbed.

  “Jesus, I love you. I love you so much.” He was crying onto her when Harley came looking for him. He didn’t know what the man said to get him standing but he scooped her tiny body into his arms and followed Harley outside.

  There was some barn wood in a pile out in the open, far away from the other buildings. Some dried grass was stuck in amongst the boards, likely from underneath whatever they’d torn apart for the wood. Everything shone from a liquid, likely cooking fat. Something flammable.

  Bodies were a terrible thing as they decomposed. They could make people sick. Burying them over your water source was a particularly bad idea. Burning was the best way to avoid disease and contamination.

  He set her in the middle of the arrangement. Then he backed away, wrapping his arms around his stomach to keep from rushing back to pick her up and make sure she was dead.

  She was. Oakley was gone. His Little One wasn’t coming back.

  Jo was there, handing him Adam like she knew what he was thinking. He wouldn’t go running into a fire holding his own son.

  Harley stepped towards the pyre with his Zippo lighter. He cast a look Stone’s way, and after a moment Stone nodded. He bent to touch the flame to the dried grass and it caught immediately.

  The lump in his throat had jagged edges and wouldn’t be swallowed. The flames grew high fast, the heat touching his face, arms. Stone was barely aware anyone else was there until a hand fell on his shoulder. He turned to see Gavin shaking his head.

  “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  The man looked honestly torn up, and Stone had to shake his head. “Nah man. How could anyone have known?”

  Gavin shook his head. “Maybe I missed something.”

  “And then what?” Stone prompted. “Surgery? How would that go?”

  Gavin hugged him anyway, and Stone let himself be held. Then the man backed away after patting Adam’s back.

  No one spoke as the fire grew. The sheet eventually caught and that’s when he closed his eyes, pressing his face into the blanket keeping Adam warm on his chest. There were sniffles and sobs around him, but he still felt separate from it. Like this was more his pain than anyone else’s, and maybe that made him an asshole but he didn’t care.

  After an eternity the wood and fire collapsed into a brightly burning pile and still no one moved. He ignored the smell, the smoke that swirled around them. He made sure Adam’s face was covered and that he was still warm, then they waited.

  It was dark again before the fire was out. Once the sun set the temperature dropped, sending everyone inside to get more clothing on. Someone brought him a jacket and another blanket for the bean. Stone did one better and tucked Adam into his coat, hands holding his back. The even breathing of his son was a comfort. He imagined he could even feel his pulse.

  No one moved until the fire was out. His feet were numb, his hands too. His entire face burned from the cold. Once people started heading inside, touching his arm or elbow in sympathy he turned back to the shack.

  “Come stay in the house,” May was calling out to him but he shook his head.

  “Nah,” he called back, not looking back. “We’re okay here.”

  He set Adam in his cradle, still passed out to the world. He got the wood stove blazing away again, tossed all the bloody linens into the corner and pulled a new blanket out. After a moment of staring he flipped the mattress over and settled one blanket down, then the other.

  Stone toed off his boots and removed his coat, climbing into the bed alone. It didn’t feel right. He got up and pulled bean out of the cradle then carried him to the bed with him. At the time of his birth he hadn’t entertained the thought of Adam sleeping in bed with them. He was terrified of rolling over onto him and squishing him in his sleep. But now Stone couldn’t stand the thought of either his son or himself sleeping alone.

  Adam made a bit of a fuss to be moved again, but as Stone settled alongside the bean, hand on his stomach—holding him in place like the little guy was capable of rolling around on his own already—Adam stilled again, his head turning this way and that, eyes rolling to try to make sense of what he was seeing.

  One hand grabbed Stone’s finger and his breath caught. The grip was strong, sure. Trusting. As his eyes watered again Stone nodded. “That’s right bean,” he grumbled. “Just you and me.”

  About C.D. Breadner:

  C.D. Breadner is a self-published author. Her first novel, Sin Eater, was the beginning of The Sin Eater series, an urban paranormal, slightly erotic series looking at the different forces of good and evil. Book two, Soul Stealer, is also available.

  She is honored to be a contributing author with The Freak Circle; a collective of amazing and supportive writers who encouraged her to delve into the genre of motorcycle club fiction with them, which brought about her second series, the stories of the Red Rebels MC. Indulge, Expose, Protect and Reprise are currently the titles available in this series.

  She has also published a standalone historical novel that takes place during World War II, Drawing Blood.

  The Gypsy Harts series will continue with Stone.

  Connect With C.D. Breadner:

  Visit C.D. Breadner’s Website

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  C.D. Breadner’s Amazon Author Page